Mental Health — Helplines and Calls for Help

The following is taken off a long post on I had penned for my Instagram account after the sudden crop of possibly well-intentioned, sometimes insensitive, but overall, very triggering conversations around mental health right after Sushant Singh Rajput's unfortunate demise.

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This has been a difficult few days for a lot of us. Lot of anger, reflection, triggers - and more.

A very close friend has been asking me for a while to take some time off social media. And I think it is time to take him up on his offer. Before I try to go off, if at all I can manage that sense of self-discipline and the associated guilt, since I mostly associate social media with voicing opinions and words that are in my humble opinion the need of the hour, I wanted to leave these with you:

1. If you are suffering from mental health issues, what can you do:

- Seek help. Professional help. Save money. And reach out to a certified psychologist. You might need pills too. It's okay. Don't be scared. We take medicines when we are sick, no? This is an illness too. Trust your gut. And if you are unsure, do what you would do for your physical health. Go for a second opinion. It might take a few tries. But try not to give up.

- Let your closest circle know to check on you if you go off the radar. I have had the luck of having a few excellent people who have done that and only later have I come to terms with how it has brought me back a few times and saved me from myself. It makes little sense mostly. What is the point of saving? But trust me, as someone who has been there, there is. Possibly. Maybe. I am still not sure most of the times. But there will be other days when you will be utterly grateful.

I won't ask you to reach out because I know it is mostly impossible when it is most necessary. But please. Build that circle. It has saved me more than once. And I believe it can save you too.

- Ask others in a similar situation like yours to seek help. Don't try to be a support system for everyone. Before you put the oxygen mask on others, you must put it on yourself first.

2. If you are dealing with a friend/partner/family member with mental health issues:

- Please don't invalidate what they feel. Avoid telling them how you or someone else is worse off. It leads to a lot of unnecessary guilt and suppression of what they are actually feeling.

- Don't ask what's wrong and not follow up. 

- Don't ask them if they want you around when they are at their lowest. More often than not, your friend/partner/family member will say no since there is a lot of guilt and shame involved. Just stay.

- Please dont tell them yoga, meditation, dance, exercise etc can help and they should try it out - no matter how it might have personally helped you. Lived experiences and the complexities of it are different, even if the diagnosis is the same. Again, I respect your intentions. But it doesn't help. It adds to the guilt and shame.

- Push them to seek therapy. If they can't afford it, and you can, book appointments for them. Loan it to them if they refuse out of self-respect.

- Keep slots in your day/week to check up on them. Add it to your calendar. It's alright to schedule it. That means you are making an effort. And it is not a formality. Do it. It is exhausting. But the person is worth it.

- If you can, listen.

3. To everyone: Don't offer to be a sounding board to everyone on your follower list. It is impossible to be that, no matter how noble your intentions are. Listen, make actionables you can work on for them if you can, but definitely empathetically push them to seek professional help no matter what, and, if possible, aid them in finding resources.

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[Resource at the end]

I do not leave this here because I believe I am a spokesperson for mental health. Far from it. I leave this here because writing it last night, as the breakdown tapered off, helped.

I am utterly grateful to the ones who kindly sent me random graphs to take my mind off, or just kept reminding me that I am valid, or just randomly called and kept texting to keep me grounded.

Please also remember that it is not your responsibility to take care of someone with mental health issues. It is okay to take a step back. Just be kind while you do it.

Note to self: Breakdown hangovers are a thing. Be kind to yourself the morning after a difficult night.

I am hoping it helps someone. Anyone. And even if it is doesn't, it shall remain in the archive of notes to self. Love. ♥️✨ Also. Here is a beautiful, crowdsourced list of non-judgemental mental health practitioners compiled by @icallhelpline.